On writing books & golden stars

In early November 2004, a couple of friends urged me to write an autobiography for National Novel Writing Month. I wasn't super keen on the thought, but I was bored, broke and without regular internet access in the middle of rural Japan.

On November 3, 2004, I began writing my autobiography. I figured I'd write 20 or 30 pages before losing interest. Instead, I wrote a couple thousand words a day until November 14. That day, I broke both the 40,000- and 50,000-word marks.

Five days later, I triumphantly pounded out the last words of my 70,000-word rough draft. Sure, I'd written five pages of academic drivel for every sentence worth keeping, but I'd just written a book! WIN! I'd spent zero dollars keeping myself busy for countless hours! DOUBLE-WIN!

On November 23, I looked at a calendar posted at the supermarket and thought, There's a lot of days left in this month. I walked the couple miles back home and wondered if I could get really crazy and write a second book, this time in a week. Maybe I could try finishing that book I'd started when I was a high school freshman? Yeah, that halp-my-dad's-a-vampire one. As I'd done with my autobiography, I figured it couldn't hurt to hunker down in front of my hyaku-en milk-crate "desk" and give the project a few hours.

Once I started typing, I was hooked on the discovery process involved in telling a fictional tale. In a mad dash to learn what happened to the people in this tale, I skipped sleep and typed furiously for several days.

With barely more than one day left in November, I posted the following to my journal via phone:

“Six days and 67,000 words later, I've written a novel, and I'm now going to sleep for 19 years. Good night.”

Phew. Written out!

Or maybe...

Yep, you guessed it. I had another book in me. Or, more precisely, I had two more books in me. Right around Christmas, in the wee hours of the morning, I knocked off my fourth book. My friend Nathan was visiting at this time, and describes his visit to this day with: "type type type type type type." It's not that I didn't spend any time socializing with him. It was just that, when we were hanging out around my studio, I didn't see any reason I couldn't write and chat simultaneously. In retrospect, I'm sure this visit was just fabulous for Nathan...

After I wrapped up the fourth book, I decided the second book--then titled Genevieve: A Dark Winter's Tale--was sooooo fabulous it would be publishable nearly as-is. I sent it to a few volunteer readers. I was so pained by their implications the book wasn't absolutely perfect as written that I buried all my books in my closet and vowed never to think of them again.

Occasionally they'd pop up in my mind, and I'd wonder if my books were really that bad. I'd feel profoundly anxious at the thought of facing my own inadequacy--not writing a single perfect book the first time around? for shame!--and swiftly move on to thinking about less stressful things.

When my house was burglarized some months after I returned from Japan, I lost my laptop. I believed I'd also lost my stories, which felt both depressing and liberating. Free! I was free! I could pretend I'd never written them and get my fifth book perfect on the first try.

Eventually I found the discs on which I'd saved my books. I was glad I hadn't left them in Japan, but I still wasn't ready to face their content.

Now, more than six years after my furious burst of NaNoWriMo-inspired writing, I can say I've finally edited one of those four books. Revising The Monster's Daughter was a long, slow process, and many times I found myself frustrated that changing a word here and there didn't make the book significantly better. Indeed, I'd completed three full revisions before I realized I could delete entire paragraphs. Entire pages and chapters, even! I deleted the first 3.5 chapters and was heartened to find the book instantly improved. From there, it got easier, if not exactly easy.

After multiple revisions, it's safe to say the book's not perfect. At a certain point, though, I realized I could keep editing the book till I'm 83 and still not get it perfect. (Had I ever really believed a book could just come out that way on the first try? No flippin' way I would ever have been so naive!)

In the next couple of weeks, I'll thus be self-publishing The Monster's Daughter. Mostly I wanted to rid myself of the guilty knowledge I'd written a bunch of books and just sat on them. In the wake of my mom's death, that seemed a lot like hiding the talent my mom was so proud to see in all of her children. Secondarily, I wanted to free Ginny Connors from the confines of my hard drive, in case anybody else could come to love her the way I do. For the kind of closure I wanted, I didn't feel I needed an agent or a publishing company or anything extravagant. A printed book to show for all my efforts would do fine.

I asked my friend Mackenzie (http://www.redroanstudios.com/) if she wouldn't mind throwing together a cover. When I emailed Mack, I wasn't especially excited about publishing The Monster's Daughter. I just wanted to be done with it, thank you very much.

Mack's cover was so fabulous, my enthusiasm for The Monster's Daughter instantly quadrupled. If I sell exactly one copy, my enthusiasm won't be diminished. That glorious cover has my name on it! That's not only because my friends are talented, but because I wrote a book!

Thus I find myself back where I started:

Holy cow, I wrote a book! A few of them, even!

Just, please. I'm begging you, don't make me look at those other ones...